Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Behold, I Give You Thai Chi: Metahistorical Soul-Massage.

On Monday I started my academic quarter with a “what?” followed by excessive eye rolling and nose scrunching. Let me explain. I took a Thai Chi Chuan class in Modesto with Julie and we rocked the class. We were so enamored with our skills that late one night in downtown Modesto, right outside of Fuzios, we embarrassed our husbands by making them watch us do our set in plain, public view. What can I say? We were centered in our centeredness and we were energy-balanced gals, and why keep that to yourself? Master N, our instructor, would belt out CHI!!!! in a guttural and imposing voice and that meant “begin.” I think he insisted on the belting for effect. He was cool, I liked him and in my brain’s puniness I assumed that all Thai Chi instructors would have the same vibe.

I paid for this assumption with almost two hours of abject boredom and simultaneous disbelief that I was attending a Thai Chi Chuan course at The University of California. The guru was a total crackpot. If he wasn’t butchering the English language by asking the class if he should use the word “metaphysical” or “metahistorical” to describe the way Thai Chi feels in your soul, he was telling us that he isn’t a Thai Chi Scholar; he is a Thai Chi half-scholar. Of course, a half-scholar. Exactly. It was even more shocking that half of the class was nodding in that “yeah man, I catch your drift” kind of way. Were they all high? Um, never mind.

I think my reputation has been one of anti-religion in my circle of friends and that’s true in many ways, however, I’m not the kind of person who says “I just have a problem with organized religion” because, give me a break, show me a religion that isn’t organized. Religion, by definition, demands some kind of order or pattern and that is organization. I will scrunch my nose equally at a far-right fanatic and a practicing pagan. I think its all mumbo-jumbo, albeit beautiful, fascinating, and functional mumbo jumbo. Monday’s class, however, produced some of the most un-beautiful mumbo jumbo I’ve ever heard and I have no patience for sentences like “You know, the energy of Pung is like a cornflake and the mixture of the cornflake and your inner center creates a kind of cornstalk of love.” I think the only time I’ve prayed in 8 years was in that class, I was asking God to save me from Thai Chi.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

The Incredible Weight Of Being

More photos to cry to.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Emily's workspace


emilyworkspace2
Originally uploaded by tawnillia.
How cool is this space!?! Doesn't it make you want to run over to your machine and thread your bobbin this very second?!?

Monday, March 21, 2005

More Joy, Less Shame

This weekend was as snazzy as weekends get. Camie and Allen (who are, by the way, crazy in love) spent 2.5 days with The BairdHolt Conspiracy. The Theme of the visit: The Battle of the Sexes. Not only did we play that godforsaken boardgame o' gender bias, we also danced the boys into the ground at Rosie McCan's and then spoke in impassioned tones about sewing as the boys looked on in utter confusion. But seriously, this was one of the most sexually liberated weekends I've had, I mean, no group sex or anything (it was on the itinerary, we just didn't get to it) but some of the most open conversations I've been around. In another life I was chastised by a person "offended" by my "inappropriateness" in public; my discourse was just too open, too flashy, too honest. I can't believe I started to think that maybe she was right. It was a breath of hot and steamy air this weekend to see a couple as uninhibited as The Conspiracy. That, coupled with seeing Kinsey Sunday night (I'll post more about that later, there's just too much to say) made me feel like I had been duped by she who had tried to make me think I was abnormal and wrong. Don't ever let anyone scold you for being too truthful or open, in fact, don't amass friends who scold you. Amass friends like Camie and Allen, they'll make a playlist on your itunes entitled "sex" in order to drown out the heavy breathing and moaning going on, on both sides of your pull-out-screen after singing Joni Mitchell with you as you stumble home in the arms of your significant other. Scandalous, I know. Nothing like Joni to get you in the mood. Nothing like sensible people to renew your faith in friends. Nothing like itunes to give you the sonic protection you need.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

I don't know if I'm just premenstrual, but...

I just cried my eyes out looking at these photos. What an amazing thing to witness. What an amazing time to be alive. Ok, maybe its not just the hormones...

Is it weird to post your final paper for your Feminist Theories Class on your blog? Do I care?

When feminists seek to organize in order to create change, the process of organization is always centered on an understanding of the law; how the law can be utilized or manipulated to improve the lives of women. Because we understand rights to be things we “cannot not want,”[i] we cannot help but turn to the law and a language of rights when we desire change. This close relationship to the epistemology of law requires an understanding of how one is recognized by the law as a subject underneath it. The formation of subjects, and consequent representation for them, mandates an understanding of which bodies get to claim subjecthood, what their rights are as subjects, and how the judicial system interprets and imagines its subjects.

The welfare debate is very much in conversation with our understanding of rights under the law and, as Gwendolyn Mink asserts, the group that welfare most directly affects (single poor mothers) can be looked upon as the barometer for the rights of women everywhere because of what the welfare debate illuminates; the way we think about women’s work and how that work is recognized in a global capitalist system. In an economic climate where one’s subjecthood under the law is inextricably tied to one’s function as a consumer/producer/laborer within the larger framework of capitalism, the position one assumes as a woman laborer is key to one’s acquisition of rights. In her essay “Women Workers and Capitalist Scripts” Chandra Mohanty argues that there has been “a creation of the consumer as ‘the’ citizen under advanced capitalism…(and) this definition of the citizen-consumer depends to a large degree on the definition and disciplining of producers/workers on whose backs the citizen-consumer gains legitimacy.”[ii] Under this model, we see the necessity of the invisibility of Third World women laborers in order to maintain the separateness and importance of the consumer-citizen. Likewise, in the welfare debate the poor single woman is made visible only in her poverty, but the labor she sweats at home is made wholly invisible. This parallel between Third World women (whom we usually assume to be in the geographic Third World only) and poor single women working in the U.S. alerts us to the non-location-oriented specificity of women’s “Third World” condition. Utilizing this understanding of citizenship, we see that one’s primary condition of intelligibility under the law is one’s spending power (or lack thereof) and because labor is highly gendered, one’s sex can be placed alongside one’s economic mobility as one’s principal, defining characteristics under the law.

An interpretation of women as persons who need separate or special attention under the law can be problematic because the end goal, equality, may seem unattainable when the differences between the sexes become the crux of the movement towards egalitarianism. Mink argues that “the Court has…acknowledged that at the conjuncture of biology and gender may reside inequalities that only remedies gauged to women’s circumstances can repair.”[iii] Brenda Cossman and Ratna Kapur argue in their article “Women and Poverty in India: Law and Social Change” that “legal regulation of women is, in many respects, based on the assumption of the homogeneity of women,”[iv] meaning that to deem all women assisted through a certain set of laws ignores the instability of the group “women.”[v] Furthermore, Kimberle Crenshaw, in her article “Demarginalizing the Intersection of Race and Sex…” sites the need for not only laws that perceive women to be within a certain and separate category of protection, but also laws that take into account the fact that the intersection of sex and race, in the case of Black Women, creates a need for antidescrimination statutes that imagine complex and multi-dimensional subjects needing representation.[vi] All of this discussion looms around the central fact that even if laws are not gender-specific, the experiences of the subjects affected by those laws are. The exchange of invisibility for essentialized hyper-visibility can work against women in reifying stereotypes of “the protected woman,” however, a gender-blind judicial system is one that ignores and erases hundreds of years of oppression as well as the current inequality between sexes.

The opposite of the hyper-visual is the invisible. The ways in which people come into visibility or remain invisible under the law is of note because this path to visibility is what frames social consciousness about the subject. For example, as Black people came into subjecthood in the United States through criminalization,[vii] the stereotype of the Black Criminal was and is embedded into the consciousness of many Americans. In the welfare debate, when President Clinton acknowledged that because the subjects receiving welfare were different now—meaning no longer white and widowed—that suddenly welfare needed reform, he was bringing the black, poor, single mother into the discourse of the law through her perceived moral shortcomings and inability to provide for her family. On a global scale, Third World women workers, says Mohanty, have been made literally invisible because the work they do is largely associated with “homework” or housework.[viii] These invisibilities can be interpreted to be necessary for the global patriarchal capitalist system as a whole. If the work done by women, whether in their homes or in the factories of transnational corporations, becomes worth as much as the labor toiled by men, global capitalism couldn’t operate the way it always has. Under capitalism there is an inherent dependence upon cheap, available, unappreciated labor pools. On one hand it depends on women laboring outside of the home, “in the early 1980’s (in the Silicon Valley) 70,000 women held 80-90 percent of the operative or laborer jobs on the shop floor…of these, 45-50 percent were Third World…immigrants,”[ix] and on the other hand, capitalism depends on the women working inside the home, making their husbands’ ability to work outside the home possible. In the context of the law, Mohanty calls attention to the fact that globally, Third World women (inside and outside of the geographical Third World) have had their work (inside and outside of the home) defined as “supplementary” or housewifery, as opposed to labor, which places them on the periphery of “citizenship” both in law and in social consciousness.

If one resides just outside of the sphere of the imagined subject, (in U.S. policy, the white, heterosexual, financially secure male) the judicial system becomes the main front of action because one’s voice is clearly not being represented in law. Cossman and Kapur point out that “the ‘uneven development of law’—that is—the idea that law’s role in women’s subordination, is contradictory …(and) reinforces relations of subordination, while at the same time providing an important source of resistance and change.”[x] It is undeniable that women must look towards the judicial system for aid, but even if equality is achieved “on the books,” social equality and, in India’s case, fundamentalist groups mandating the way its followers behave, can create the opposite of an “even playing field.” Likewise, in the United States, even if a law states that sex discrimination will not be tolerated, it is not to say that the social consciousness of an entire nation falls into line with that law. On a global scale, sex discrimination can come to mean multiple things and is therefore more difficult to pin down and mandate. For example, transnational corporations may prefer hiring women because they think they can pay them less (which stems from the notion that the money women earn in the out-of-the-home labor market is “play money” or “extra”) or treat them worse because they are desperate or rather, they are a little “less human” than men in general. This too is sex and race discrimination and makes the call for equal access to the labor market by Western women something of a joke to women in the global Third World. This apparent division between the interests of the middle and upper classes and the poor is a cause of strife when the women who can work towards change within the judicial system, because they have the time and resources to do so, forget about the interests of poor, working women.

Here, intersectionality and the idea of cosmopolitanism[1] come into conversation with one another underneath the umbrella of judicial reform. Because the law does not take into account the myriad circumstances and situations that mark an individual as “other” (femaleness, blackness, poverty, homosexuality, etc.) when compared to the mythical norm[xi], in the instance that a person “othered” by this “norm” seeks aid or representation, it is assumed that they want what everyone else wants, in the same order of importance, and with the same end-goals in sight. The coalitions that are trying to eradicate this phenomenon are often, internally and externally, imagined to be a homogeneous collective, working toward one harmonious ambition. This however, reifies cosmopolitanism in that it assumes an organization must always include “dialectic synthesis” and a commonality that essentially ends up erasing any aspect of the individual that is not comfortably cohesive with the group.[xii] This mode of organizing can become ultimately counterproductive because it perpetuates that which it tries to eradicate.

Finally, the interest of subjects currently underrepresented by the law should not lie in how the law will formally recognize them eventually, but how it imagines them now. If the law renders certain subjects invisible, that provides a particular jumping-off-point for groups focused on making visible those who are disenfranchised. If the law imagines Black Women, for example, to be, as Gwendolyn Mink asserts, “other people’s workers, not their own families’ mothers,”[xiii] that provides a context within which to fight a lack of representation. Perhaps the reason the law hasn’t been designed to account for intersectional persons is that in forgetting them within the judicial system, dominant culture might render them invisible altogether.

[1][1] “those who embrace a cosmopolitan ethos envision a world inhabited by friendly neighbors from various ethnic and religious backgrounds, much like the middle-class new suburban developments of “Anywhere, U.S.A.” Definition taken from “Thinking Through Embeddedness” Tina Mei Chen p. 10


[i] Brown, Wendy. Suffering Rights as Paradoxes” Constellations Volume 7, No. 2, 2000. Oxford: Blackwell Publishers. p. 231.

[ii] Mohanty, Chandra Talpade. “Women Workers and Capitalist Scripts: Ideologies of Domination, Common Interests, and the Politics of Solidarity.” p. 5.

[iii] Mink, Gwendolyn. Welfare’s End. Ithaca, NY: Cornell University Press, 1998. p. 17.

[iv] Cossman, Brenda and Kapur, Ratna. “Women and Poverty in India: Law and Social Change.” RFD/CJWL 1993. p. 284.

[v] Butler, Judith. “Subjects of Sex/Gender/Desire.” p. 1.

[vi] Crenshaw, Kimberle. “Demarginalizing the Intersection of Race and Sex: A Black Feminist

Critique of Antidiscrimination Doctrine, Feminist Theory and Antiracist Politics” from Feminist Legal Theory, Temple University Press, Philadelphia,1993. p. 384.

[vii] Hartman, Saidiya. “Seduction and the Ruses of Power.” From Between Woman and Nation Durham: Duke University Press. p. 112.

[viii] Mohanty, Chandra Talpade. “Women Workers and Capitalist Scripts: Ideologies of Domination, Common Interests, and the Politics of Solidarity.” p. 28.

[ix] Mohanty, Chandra Talpade. “Women Workers and Capitalist Scripts: Ideologies of Domination, Common Interests, and the Politics of Solidarity.” p. 15.

[x] Cossman, Brenda and Kapur, Ratna. “Women and Poverty in India: Law and Social Change.” RFD/CJWL 1993. p. 285.

[xi] Crenshaw, Kimberle. “Demarginalizing the Intersection of Race and Sex: A Black Feminist

Critique of Antidiscrimination Doctrine, Feminist Theory and Antiracist Politics” from Feminist Legal Theory, Temple University Press, Philadelphia,1993. p. 383.

[xii] Puar, Jasbir K. and Rai, Amit S. “The Remaking of the Model Minority.” Social Text 80, Vol. 22, No. 3, Fall 2004. Duke University Press p.78

[xiii] Mink, Gwendolyn. Welfare’s End. Ithaca, NY: Cornell University Press, 1998. p. 23.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

monster


monster
Originally uploaded by tawnillia.
I made him.

The 10 Greatest Things In My Life Right Now

10. Creme Brulee French Toast (pictured above) a.k.a. MOPJ.
9. Free bus rides.
8. Listening to NPR while playing Bookworm. These two actions must be acted in careful simultaneous-ness. There is no other way. (Thanks Allen)
7. Gossiping on the phone about Allen. (Sorry Allen, word travels fast)
6. The Wide World of Crafters. A world so wide in its wideness.
5. The Monster Baby, a.k.a. Phil's new friend. (pictured above)
4. DSLDSLDSLDSLDSLDSLDSLDSLDSL
3. Julie getting DSL.
2. Living close enough to Modesto to visit so often people forget we don't live there anymore, but far enough from Modesto that I don't have to see W, Bush/Cheney/2004, or Viva Bush! stickers anymore...WE GOT IT!! YOU WON!! GOOD FOR FUCKING YOU!!
1. The flowers on my table given to me by an Indian guy on the street in celebration of International Women's Day. He was giving them to people, he said, in the name of his Mother.

toast


toast
Originally uploaded by tawnillia.
My Own Personal Jesus.

Monday, March 14, 2005

A reason for business-centric republicans to stop opposing feminists and start giving a damn.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

To Pee or not to Pee

The most surreal experience of my life involved pee and farting. All in one night. After Allen's going-away party we decided, at about 5 am, that it was time to sleep. Myself, Phil, and Allen all slept in Allen's bed. Oh, the hanky panky that ensued...Too graphic to get into now, but www.hotthreewayaction.com should give you a good visual. Two other individuals (who will remain nameless because despite my penchant for three-way promiscuity,I'm a good person) slept on the floor and couch. The young lady sleeping on the couch had gotten shit-faced earlier in the evening and bumped her head, so she had been sleeping (and SNORING) since about 2.

Just as the whoopy had died down and we were all well on our way to sleeping soundly we heard one of the most distinct sounds on the planet - water tricking onto sleeping-bag fabric. We all (the 3 of us in bed and the nice gentleman on the floor) started trying to squint into the dark to see what was trickling and why it was trickling on a sleeping bag. Lo and behold, there, in the middle of Allen's living room, squatted the girl who had previously been sleeping on the couch. She was, yes folks, peeing. Onto Allen's sleeping bag. Right in front of everyone. When the gentlemen in the room realized her bum was exposed they all politely covered their eyes as we whispered "oh my god" and "this isn't happening."

Being the only other lady in the room, I calmly asked her to please pull up her pants and told her I would take her into the bathroom to clean up. She seemed unphased by the urine and the situation as a whole. As I went to get things together in the washroom (all the while thinking "what the hell is happening?" and "will I get pee on myself???") she walked on into Allen's kitchen where Allen and the boy-who-will-remain-nameless stood in utter disbelief. The boys turned on the light and she immediately shouted at them repeatedly to turn off the light!! By the time I came back into the room she was back on the couch and wrapped up in the urine-soaked sleeping bag, fast asleep.
What is a person to do in a situation like this??? I wanted to get her into that bathroom and showered so she wouldn't have crazy rashes by morning and wake-up urine-drenched---but on the other hand--if I had been awoken during such an embarrassing episode surrounded by strangers telling me to clean my own pee off of myself, I would have been so mortified I would have run out the door and walked home in the cold, in the dark, all by my pee-soaked-self. So, we did what we thought was the most humane thing. We let her keep sleeping. And as she farted loudly into the dark night, we all thought to ourselves "we're making the right decision."
The next morning she awoke first, having been the only one who had gotten a fantastically good night's sleep. I was, however, awake too. I watched her get up, walk around nonchalantly, go to the bathroom, and then go outside. I don't know if she couldn't figure out what she had done in her sleep, or if it was such a regular occurrence that it was all part of a good night's party for her. Don't know. Never will.

Allen scrubbed his carpet clean, washed his sleeping bag, and went on with his life. We all did. That's what you have to do. I'm glad she didn't wake up in the middle of the peeing fiasco and see us all standing there. I'm glad the nameless boy decided to come up with a creative way of telling her so as to send the message that drunkenness can be very uncool. I'm glad she seemed not to remember in the morning. She asked the nameless boy, when he awoke; "was I difficult last night?" He, in his infinite compassion and dignity, told her "no."

shoppingcart


shoppingcart
Originally uploaded by tawnillia.
Julie and i go thrifting quite often...we always have the cutest cart in the entire thrift store, as Julie pointed out.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Listening to

Regina Spektor

I know she spent her high school career listening to Tori Amos on headphones as she distanced herself from the little fascist panties and hung with the raisin girls. I know, because so did I.

Why death is no big deal.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Wish you were more "with it"?

this might help.