To Pee or not to Pee

The most surreal experience of my life involved pee and farting. All in one night. After Allen's going-away party we decided, at about 5 am, that it was time to sleep. Myself, Phil, and Allen all slept in Allen's bed. Oh, the hanky panky that ensued...Too graphic to get into now, but www.hotthreewayaction.com should give you a good visual. Two other individuals (who will remain nameless because despite my penchant for three-way promiscuity,I'm a good person) slept on the floor and couch. The young lady sleeping on the couch had gotten shit-faced earlier in the evening and bumped her head, so she had been sleeping (and SNORING) since about 2.

Just as the whoopy had died down and we were all well on our way to sleeping soundly we heard one of the most distinct sounds on the planet - water tricking onto sleeping-bag fabric. We all (the 3 of us in bed and the nice gentleman on the floor) started trying to squint into the dark to see what was trickling and why it was trickling on a sleeping bag. Lo and behold, there, in the middle of Allen's living room, squatted the girl who had previously been sleeping on the couch. She was, yes folks, peeing. Onto Allen's sleeping bag. Right in front of everyone. When the gentlemen in the room realized her bum was exposed they all politely covered their eyes as we whispered "oh my god" and "this isn't happening."

Being the only other lady in the room, I calmly asked her to please pull up her pants and told her I would take her into the bathroom to clean up. She seemed unphased by the urine and the situation as a whole. As I went to get things together in the washroom (all the while thinking "what the hell is happening?" and "will I get pee on myself???") she walked on into Allen's kitchen where Allen and the boy-who-will-remain-nameless stood in utter disbelief. The boys turned on the light and she immediately shouted at them repeatedly to turn off the light!! By the time I came back into the room she was back on the couch and wrapped up in the urine-soaked sleeping bag, fast asleep.
What is a person to do in a situation like this??? I wanted to get her into that bathroom and showered so she wouldn't have crazy rashes by morning and wake-up urine-drenched---but on the other hand--if I had been awoken during such an embarrassing episode surrounded by strangers telling me to clean my own pee off of myself, I would have been so mortified I would have run out the door and walked home in the cold, in the dark, all by my pee-soaked-self. So, we did what we thought was the most humane thing. We let her keep sleeping. And as she farted loudly into the dark night, we all thought to ourselves "we're making the right decision."
The next morning she awoke first, having been the only one who had gotten a fantastically good night's sleep. I was, however, awake too. I watched her get up, walk around nonchalantly, go to the bathroom, and then go outside. I don't know if she couldn't figure out what she had done in her sleep, or if it was such a regular occurrence that it was all part of a good night's party for her. Don't know. Never will.

Allen scrubbed his carpet clean, washed his sleeping bag, and went on with his life. We all did. That's what you have to do. I'm glad she didn't wake up in the middle of the peeing fiasco and see us all standing there. I'm glad the nameless boy decided to come up with a creative way of telling her so as to send the message that drunkenness can be very uncool. I'm glad she seemed not to remember in the morning. She asked the nameless boy, when he awoke; "was I difficult last night?" He, in his infinite compassion and dignity, told her "no."