Of Boys and Bowels

So, is it just me or do men spend inordinate amounts of time in the bathroom? My first issue is that if it's taking that long, then something is horribly and irrevocably wrong with your body. Your health is in serious jeopardy if an hour and a half is required to do the business that needs to be done. It's just not right and you probably need help; help that would require an enema and a camera in places you never thought cameras could go.

Second, I thought we had finally gotten to the point in our holy union where I no longer accuse Phil of camping out in there every time he hears the word "relationship" or "dishes." Now I'm just sure he's making something extraordinary in there, like a detailed reproduction of the Sistine Chapel hidden behind the mirror or building a miniature model of the Parthenon out of Q-tips and toothpaste. Whatever it is, I'm confident that it is fantastic, because it has been the most time-consuming venture in his life.