The Julie Post

Hi Julie!

OK, so things about Julie I find endearing and sometimes, somewhat unbelievable:

Julie is the kind of woman you sometimes just need to hate for a few minutes. Let me explain. When you randomly stop by her IMMACULATELY CLEAN house you want to think that this is how your house would look if someone just stopped by. But really, if you weren't expecting a guest and someone just (unthinkably) CAME BY you would pop your head out the door and try to end the conversation on the front porch because GOD FORBID they see your underwear strewn across the living room and your fast food bag sitting greasily on the coffee table. Julie, on the other hand, gracefully opens the door and in a 1950's-sitcom-way invites you in to smell the fresh flowers she's picked from her garden and PLEASE have a taste of the homemade organic apricot tart.

Let's all take a moment to hate Julie. In a loving way.

Julie is also the kind of woman who will, in response to any comment about almost anything remotely cool in her house, say "Oh that, I made it." The beautiful hammock? "I made it." The skirt you have on? "I made it." The adorable journal on the mosaic table? "I made it. And the table."

Let's all take another moment.

Julie is also very strangely selective about the information she volunteers in conversations. I don't know the name of her High School. I don't know her favorite food or movie. I don't know her weight (but I think that if I did I would be REALLY afraid to fall on her for fear that someone twice her weight would effectively crush her). I don't know her middle name. But I do know what kind of ear wax she has. I know she doesn't wear deodorant. I know about and once witnessed the panty-liners protecting the armpits of her sweaters. I know that, like myself, her menstrual periods are painful and accompanied by the feeling of needing to poop without actually needing to poop. Do you notice a theme here? Yep, you guessed it, BODILY FUNCTIONS. Get this girl started and you'll be trading scab stories for hours.

When Julie has a kid, NO THEY AREN'T PREGNANT, SIT BACK DOWN, she will probably be such a good Mom that all other mothers will have to steer clear of her for fear of having to hate Julie for her impeccable mothering skills. I myself have decide to stick around Julie in hopes that some of her together-ness will rub off on me like powdered sugar from her homemade doughnuts. Plus, she's nice and, well, I like her.