WHAT WEIGHT ISSUES?!?

Bus strike. Over a month now. Am rendered immobile except for bike, feet, and the occasional car. People don't understand that when I say "I walked to school today" it means I CLIMBED A FUCKING MOUNTAIN, MUTHERFUCKER. If I don't slim down to a svelte size 6 after all of this, I'm giving up and eating cake batter for lunch EVERY DAY and my pilates DVD (yes Elliot, it's true) is going to become a coaster for my tall, tall glasses of half and half.