The Anatomy of Mercy

My grandma is very stylish. Every time I see her, her earrings match her blouse, which matches her socks and purse. Besides her impeccable taste in fashion, she has mercy, among many, many other things. This is one of my favorite words…Mercy…and despite the fact that religious folk seem to have a monopoly on its use, I try to sneak it in whenever possible. I realized the extent and anatomy of her mercy last weekend.

She has taken care of a relative of ours for years and it has driven her bonkers. This particular relative is a fixture in my childhood memories and is usually the one in the background saying “Be careful of black people, you know, just be careful” or “How dare James Taylor wear jeans on stage…he’s rich and just doesn’t want to show it”. You can imagine how well we got along, whatwithall the respect I happen to have for black people and James Taylor. This relative has made my grandma’s life a struggle and her presence is a burden. Secretly, I hated her for the duration of my childhood. So did my mother seeing as she too has memories containing the phrase “my dog is smarter than you are”.

No one understood why my grandma put up with her nagging and laziness and bitterness for literally 60+ years. On Sunday, I found out.

Apparently, this relative lost her father at 13 and her stepfather proceeded to molest and abuse her until she left home. She pleaded with her mother to intervene, but she refused to. When her mother was dying she asked that my grandma take care of her daughter. My grandma kept this promise in a real and palpable way. Suddenly the visions I had of my annoying relative locked up in her room with her books and her dog seemed pale and sad instead of lazy and maniacal. The mercy required of my grandma to build her life around a person who seemed to have no heart is haunting and deep.

What’s more—she never told any of us why. She let us think she was silly and strange for putting up with this relative when in fact, she was keeping a promise she made to a dead, cruel women. She was emptying herself of the things of the self and this equals mercy.