On getting Hitched

On the list entitled "The Most Trying Experiences Of My Life", right below "learning how to be a beatbox master" and right above "unlearning everything the Bible taught me" lies "learning how to be one half of a marriage." It fully freaks me out sometimes; the planning, the baby talk (oh, I'm starting mad rumors), the fighting. Phil and I don't really fight as much as we discuss things intermittently at elevated volumes. I take the volume thing back, I've actually never heard Phil yell. I'm the yeller. Just me. We're both pouters, we pout like crazy at each other over things like which movie to rent from Cedar Street Video where the video guy looks and acts just like Philip Seymore Hoffman. We both love him--ahh, agreement. We pout over what to eat for dinner because Phil would rather put his head in a meat grinder than utter a declarative sentence. We pout over the construction of www.armoursansanguish.com, seeing as it is a collaborative effort and we are artists (who call themselves "artists"...oh LORD) who have things called "visions." Our visions are bullshit excuses for arguments and disagreements because sometimes I think we secretly thrive on some good old-fashioned bickering. One thing we do not pout about is politics. This is key. My new mantra is "I want PEACE in my home!" and I shout this very unpeacefully at anyone who thinks it's passe that a person's political persuasion is reason enough to date (or not date) that person. I'm all for pre-nuptial political screening. I say we should strap our significant others to political-affiliation-detection machines and make sure that the future will not hold political pouting matches. Especially when you have dinner to argue about.